It has been quite some time since I made a post. I have been diving deeply into a lot of the turmoil that has surrounded my life recently. The pain and misery that has been my constant. The things I have done, the things that have been done to me. It has been a rough few months, intermixed with some really wonderful realizations.
Since my last post back in February…I have lost my way more than once. I have been lied to, deceived and had my entire reality questioned on its most base level. What was once up is now down. I turned right instead of left more than once. I believed in what I thought was the truth but the reality was…my truth was not THE truth.
I am still sober…I am still working the steps…I am still growing but there was much that happened from February to now that had me question if that is where I should be.
You see, I am a person who seeks love, seeks approval and seeks connection…and I truly thought that I had found that.
The reality was, the love that I felt was based entirely on a story. A story that may have been based in fact but was filled with half truths and out right falsehoods. My sanity and my path was questioned.
As I move forward with today though…I choose not to close the door on things that were. I know that the lies I was told were not malicious in nature but it still hurts.