Finding Happiness…and Stability

It is funny how when you release the need to be in control of every aspect of your life, that the energy that you used to spend plotting and planning for every eventuality is turned into an acceptance of the things that will be.  Some time ago, while partaking in the journey that is my recovery from BPD, I had decided and worked very hard at just being.

Being in the moment and experiencing what will happen in its fullest extent.  Not trying to change the circumstance for the better or the worse…just letting the time wash over me and living in the moment.

Being the best that I can be.  Not pretending to be more or less than I am right at that moment.  Just being the best version of myself that I truly want to be for the betterment of all around me (including myself).

Being present and aware.  It is one thing to be alive and an active participant in the things that go on around us…it is something life changing to really be present in the life that we are living.  The awareness of this one life that we have has been truly a blessing of this diagnosis and the path to my recovery is truly awe inspiring.

Being me and not some construct.  For far too long I was pretending to be something or someone that was not really me.  I still falter and at times fall but being who I am, my true self is far easier than trying to put on the mask that I had been wearing for far too long.  It is way easier to accept my shortcomings and embrace my strengths instead of living a life of make-believe.

Being ready for what life has to offer.   All of these things that I have accepted as my own truth has really let me be ready for what I will become.  I see life not as the plan that I have put into practice, but the flowing waters of a winding river.  At times the flow is slow and meandering and others it is a raging torrent of water…but all the time, there is just one purpose…to go from Point A to Point B and accepting this as my reality and that all that I do, has been done before, has allowed me to experience this one life that I have in a profound and beautiful way.

Being for me is something that is new.  Sure I was along for the ride during my 20+ years of suffering, but I was never really present.  Much of my adult life has felt like I was an outsider watching the slow motion train wreck of my life pile up in front of me.  I now see every moment good or bad as a precious gift and embrace the tranquillity that comes from this awareness.

Regardless of what point you are in your journey, this lesson is the one that makes it all so worthwhile.  BE, it is just such a gift that you can give to both yourself and to everyone who knows you.