Finding Joy

Much can be said about the quest for happiness.  The joy we all can experience if we put it out to the universe and really focus on “being”.  Since my diagnosis with Borderline Personality Disorder I have really put a lot of effort into not forcing the world to my preconceived ideas and ideals.  I have learned to experience life in all its wonder, feel its pain and share its laughter.

Amazingly enough this practice that to those without BPD may seem commonplace, has been a real challenge for me.  I have struggled with the emotional overload that sometimes comes from experiencing the feelings that I have suppressed or ignored for most of my life.  In the months since my diagnosis and starting therapy I have found myself dredging the bottom of my life more than once and because of the skills that DBT has taught me, I have not only experienced things in new ways, but have been able to far more effectively deal with the situations and conditions as they come about.

I am so very thankful that I did not follow through with the urges that had me admit myself to the hospital back in September 2016.  My life is so much more because I took the time to not lie to myself, my loved ones and my doctors any longer.

I will have a long road ahead of me and the good days and the bad days will sweep in and consume me, but for now I think that I have found a state of content.  I can once again experience the joy of loving, drink the world’s nectar of happiness and at the same time, occasionally wallow in its infinite sadness.

Joy for me is sharing a day with the one I love, cuddling my daughter on the sofa and watching a movie, going for walks with the dogs and taking in all that life has to offer.

I choose to find joy in as much as I can.

I choose to live life in a positive manner.

I choose to live period, because the alternative is not one that I am willing to accept.  Not now, not ever!