The toughest thing that I have concluded during my ongoing journey battling Borderline Personality Disorder is that a big part of healing is to not dwell on past events. This been a massive undertaking being as I can not help but feel like I created a lot of chaos during my first 44 years.
I know that others have forgiven me for my actions and inactions but I have found it far more difficult to forgive myself…that is until recently. Many things have been thrown at me since my diagnosis. I have suffered tremendous loss, massive change and challenges that I in no way would have been able to plan for.
I could sit back and throw a pitty party for myself, but instead I choose to really focus on the new me that is sitting just on the other side of this journey through DBT training.
What will this new me look like?
Will I recognize him?
Will I be radically different than the evolution that I am going through now?
Who will want to be connected to the new me?
How long will this all take?
When will I now that the journey is complete?
These are just a few of the questions that I mull over in my head each and every minute. The new me is popping out in fits and spurts and I am at the same time scared and intrigued by the new me that emerges. This transformation is not going to be an overnight success and I know that there will be many blunders, foibles and challenges that I will face over the next months and years but I am ready to move forward and not look back at who I was as I emerge from this life and into my next.