One of the biggest challenges that I face on a daily basis is the feeling of emptiness that I feel. It doesn’t matter what am doing (professionally, personally, emotionally or physically), I can’t help but feel that there is this empty pit that never seems to get filled.
I have had this feeling for many, many years but was never able to articulate the feeling. Sometimes it appears as loneliness, other times it comes to me as boredom and other times still…there is an indifference that overcomes me.
As I work through the emotional turmoil that I have wrought before me, I start to gather the strength and the fortitude to start to address this great void that lives within the deepest recesses of my mind. Only through understanding why I feel, can I understand how to fill this sinking feeling.
I am far from “okay” most days. I can’t help but feel that no matter what I do…I travel through my life wondering if I can do this…and then it all becomes clear:
My journey is only beginning…even though I am 44 years old. The path I chose will fill me completely…if I let it.
It is the letting it fill me that I find challenging. I become more in tune with what I need and be able to actually follow through when I perceive a challenge coming on. I need to stick with it and not give up…and that has always been a challenge.
At the same time as I fulfill a destiny that I don’t quite understand, I find myself embracing the knowledge that the emptiness is there. Like the act of acknowlegement is actually half the battle to get beyond the feeling of aimlessness.
So where will my future lie? Stay tuned…because this ride is about to get very REAL!