There has been many moments in the last little while that have brought me to really look at what my life has been all about; but on the weekend, I went on a journey with a very special person and on that journey, a new door was opened for me.
I met a man who was so in tune with himself that he is able to gaze beyond the fabric of this life and see exactly what those around him need to experience. I have never felt so at peace with the moment as I did on that cloudy October Sunday.
Is this feeling of peace that I have right now because of the path that I have chosen, or is it because for the first time in my life I am looking at living a Creative Life as he suggested?
There was a transcendence that I felt in sitting in this room filled with people that I did not know (save one very special person) but at the same time, I could not help but feel that for the first time in my life, there was no judgement only love and understanding.
Finding out that I will be at war with my own mind for a long time, has made me look for answers in some unique places. My primary source of information is how many of you may have found this blog…by doing a Google Search or clicking through the myriad of helpful resources that are out there.
I have read multiple books, dozens of articles and hundreds of posts from people like me who are battling or supporting those who are in a battle with the disease of Borderline Personality Disorder. Even as I venture on the quest of finding out who I really am as I accept my new reality and all this brings to light the questions that have plagued me most of my adult life.
This week has been incredible. I have become so much more self-aware. I have found a peace that I truly did not know existed before this week. Sure the same challenging self-doubt questions are there but slowly I am able to question the validity of those questions and put focus on my own self-care.
I no longer see myself as existing and marking time. I see the world that I live in with all its glorious shades of grey. I still know right from wrong but I don’t feel like everything has to go my way to be ok.
My journey this week has lead me to truly reconnect with my one and only. I never saw her as a conquest, but there was always something that lived in the back of my mind that I should possess her instead of experience her. That feeling is completely transformed this week and with every touch, look and word has brought new and profound meaning to me now. It is a strange feeling to be so absolutely connected as we share each other’s struggles and help each other achieve the peace we so greatly desire.
While on our together, we met with the talented and insightful man that under any other circumstances would have only assisted my daughter in finding some peace with her own challenges as she faces mortality in the form of her Grandmother’s suffering.
This man who is such a talented artist, is also so very intuitive and connected to the universe. He is a star gazer, a healer and a guide. He seems to be able to see into your soul and enable you to put focus on thoughts where before his gaze there was just chaos. He does not do this through magic or trickery, this enlightened soul is able to draw your own strength and let you see beyond the fabric that has you blinded by the chaotic nature of life in all its fantastic pain.
His main topic on this Sunday was on living a Creative Life. I really did not know what he meant but I felt safe and wanted to take away more than what I came in with…and if I could share something that others could do the same…then it would be a good day in deed. It was glorious how the entire experience seemed to be laid out just for the two of us, in this “stranger’s living room”, communicating with 6 other strangers but at the same time sharing a moment of what I can only call “Bliss”.
In the talk, this man spoke of our human nature. Our connection the Universe/Creator/God and how through the Creative Life we can truly find what we need to be at peace…but to do that, we need to open our heart and be mindful of the moment we are in because the past is already over, the future will happen regardless…it is in the moment that we are truly alive.
We are creatures of habit and as our Ego wants us to take the safe path that we already know the outcome…to truly live we need to experience the glory of the path that is not safe, not easy and not “rosie”. The connection of the Ego to so many of my past choices in life was not wrong, it brought me to this point in my life that I am so ready to experience what the universe has in store for me.
Our lives as he said are like playing the same “cassette” on repeat. To live a Creative Life, it is not about listening to the same music…but to put a blank cassette and record this life for what it is.
This may have only been a first visit, I sense that thanks to this one visit, my path is finally emblazoned with the guide marks that I need to be able to fulfill my true destiny.
Thank you Ned…I am renewed, revitalized and ready for this life today because you took the time to open your heart, open your home and share your gift.