As greatful as I am to have all that I do, today has been an extremely difficult day.
This day is not and has not been hard because of my BPD or relationship challenges or troubles at work. This day has been difficult because of something that I in no way am able to fix, alter or change the course of.
My mother has been struggling with her third and final battle with cancer and there is little to nothing that the doctor’s can do beyond making her comfortable.
I was able to make the 2 hour trek with two very special ladies (my daughter and my ex-fiance/best friend/love of my life, to visit her and potentially say goodbye one last time.
Practicing mindfulness is not easy in this moment but I do find peace in the fact that my mother has come to terms with her mortality and is OK with how her remaining days are laid out for her. It was a beautiful moment seeing her share a lasting memory with her first grandchild. She was able to give her some jewellery that my daughter will cherish forever and I was able to share this experience with my soul mate as we rediscover what it is to be in love with each other in new and unique ways.
To my mother, thank you for lasting as long as you have, despite the fact that I know it would be easier to surrender.
The days and weeks ahead are ot going to be easier but I will be able to look back and have real memories for living in the moment with her!